Sep 14, 2016 15:47
7 yrs ago
Russian term
Сразить
Russian to English
Art/Literary
Poetry & Literature
advertising copy; \'back translation\'
Контекст — «сражай с первого взгляда», «герой сражен» «сражай роковым взглядом».
Речь идет об «обратном переводе» (точность важнее красоты) более-менее литературного текста — описания рекламной идеи, которая построена на метафорах: «поле сражения», «оружие», «стрелять глазами», «попадать в самое сердце» и так далее. И все это обещает некий косметический продукт. Автор оригинала — не я. ;)
Искала в двуязычных, англо-английских словарях, в примерах из литературы, в онлайн-СМИ, но так и не нашла решения, которым осталась бы довольна. Slay слишком сленговое, strike в основном встречается в пассивном залоге, kill не годится, impress, win over, capture слишком далеко по смыслу. Или я ошибаюсь?
Как всегда, признательна.
Речь идет об «обратном переводе» (точность важнее красоты) более-менее литературного текста — описания рекламной идеи, которая построена на метафорах: «поле сражения», «оружие», «стрелять глазами», «попадать в самое сердце» и так далее. И все это обещает некий косметический продукт. Автор оригинала — не я. ;)
Искала в двуязычных, англо-английских словарях, в примерах из литературы, в онлайн-СМИ, но так и не нашла решения, которым осталась бы довольна. Slay слишком сленговое, strike в основном встречается в пассивном залоге, kill не годится, impress, win over, capture слишком далеко по смыслу. Или я ошибаюсь?
Как всегда, признательна.
Proposed translations
(English)
| 4 +4 | slay at first sight |
Rachel Douglas
|
| 5 | smash |
Leniana Koroleva
|
| 4 +1 | strike |
Roman Bardachev
|
| 4 | demolish/totally destroy |
Alex Koudlai
|
| 4 | to smite |
eduard_
|
Proposed translations
+4
55 mins
Rachel Douglas
United States
United States
Native in English
Specializes in field
United States
Excellent English from Russian originals
Native in: English (Variants: US, British, Australian)
Works in: Russian to English
Related KudoZ points
:
384
Selected
slay at first sight
I don't know why you think "slay" is slang. It's a very old-fashioned word. Look in the King James Bible, for example.
https://www.blueletterbible.org/search/search.cfm?Criteria=s...
Or in old ballads:
https://books.google.com/books?id=0IwwAQAAIAAJ&pg=PA77&dq="s...
The figurative use of this verb is likewise quite old. This is Chaucer! - "Because I love her she slays me guiltless."
And this is Shakespeare in A Midsummer Night's Dream:
"Where is Lysander and fair Hermia? / The one I'll slay, the other she slays me."
Or, look at Leigh Hunt's 19th-century line "But only that sweet laugh, wherewith she slays me."
https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q="slay me"#q="she sla...
Its figurative use in modern advertising is also not unprecedented.
https://societyofharlow.com/2016/05/02/kaleidoscope-skin-dee...
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Note added at 2 days7 hrs (2016-09-16 23:28:34 GMT)
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In reply to asker's note: "To slay" is not archaic, neither in its literal nor its figurative use. I gave you examples going all the way back to Chaucer, in order to counteract what appeared to be your wrong impression that it is modern slang. It was a perfectly normal verb in Chaucer's time, Shakespeare's time, Leigh Hunt's time, and still today.
If you really are afraid to use it, then an alternative would be "vanquish," but I'm afraid that gets away from what you originally said about wanting to prioritize accuracy over literary quality.
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 2 days7 hrs (2016-09-16 23:30:15 GMT)
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The other problem you have, of course, is that your choice has to be compatible with "at first sight" or "at first glance." A lot of the proposals, having to do with physical acts of hitting somebody, do not work in combination with that phrase.
https://www.blueletterbible.org/search/search.cfm?Criteria=s...
Or in old ballads:
https://books.google.com/books?id=0IwwAQAAIAAJ&pg=PA77&dq="s...
The figurative use of this verb is likewise quite old. This is Chaucer! - "Because I love her she slays me guiltless."
And this is Shakespeare in A Midsummer Night's Dream:
"Where is Lysander and fair Hermia? / The one I'll slay, the other she slays me."
Or, look at Leigh Hunt's 19th-century line "But only that sweet laugh, wherewith she slays me."
https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q="slay me"#q="she sla...
Its figurative use in modern advertising is also not unprecedented.
https://societyofharlow.com/2016/05/02/kaleidoscope-skin-dee...
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 2 days7 hrs (2016-09-16 23:28:34 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
In reply to asker's note: "To slay" is not archaic, neither in its literal nor its figurative use. I gave you examples going all the way back to Chaucer, in order to counteract what appeared to be your wrong impression that it is modern slang. It was a perfectly normal verb in Chaucer's time, Shakespeare's time, Leigh Hunt's time, and still today.
If you really are afraid to use it, then an alternative would be "vanquish," but I'm afraid that gets away from what you originally said about wanting to prioritize accuracy over literary quality.
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 2 days7 hrs (2016-09-16 23:30:15 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
The other problem you have, of course, is that your choice has to be compatible with "at first sight" or "at first glance." A lot of the proposals, having to do with physical acts of hitting somebody, do not work in combination with that phrase.
Note from asker:
| Thank you for your time and effort! I hope it's not impolite but I have certain doubts about relying on Shakespearean language. Non-native speakers like me can easily end up with something archaic, while my purpose, as I can see it, requires contemporary standard English. Nevertheless, your guidance is very, very helpful. |
| After a brief research, I think I'll settle on 'slay' for active and 'smite', as proposed by _eduard, for passive voice. Oxford Dictionaries online offer relevant examples on 'slay' (https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/slay), while 'smitten at first glance _or_ sight' is not rare on the Internet including Google.Books. Many thanks again and have a good day! |
Peer comment(s):
| agree |
Alexander Ivashkevich
: http://www.refinery29.com/different-eye-makeup-looks
31 mins
|
|
Thanks, Alexander.
|
|
| agree |
Dmitry Goykhman
32 mins
|
|
Thanks, Dmitry.
|
|
| agree |
rns
1 hr
|
|
Thank you.
|
|
| agree |
SergeyKuznetsov
15 hrs
|
|
Thanks, Sergey.
|
4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer.
14 mins
Alex Koudlai
United States
United States
Native in Russian
Specializes in field
United States
superb quality and velocity
Native in: Russian 
Works in: English to Russian, Russian to English
Related KudoZ points
:
14
demolish/totally destroy
Это гипербола, весьма употребимая дажде в кино. Вспомните например The Demolition Man.
Note from asker:
| Спасибо! |
20 mins
Leniana Koroleva
United Kingdom
United Kingdom
Native in Russian
Specializes in field
United Kingdom
14 years of linguistic help in London
Native in: Russian (Variant: Standard-Russia)
Works in: English to Russian, Russian to English
smash
"smashing beauty", "smash him at first sight" etc. also "the enemy was smashed" etc.-works both ways iMHO
Note from asker:
| Спасибо! Иду смотреть в книжках. :) |
4 hrs
to smite
Note from asker:
| Большое спасибо! ...Правда, вижу только в словаре Уэбствера: «6. to impress favorably; enamor: He was smitten by her charms.». Остальные скорее дают оттенок «поразить» ("This behavior struck me as odd"), зато на oxforddictionaries.com целый ряд примеров в нужном значении. |
+1
1 day 29 mins
Roman Bardachev
Canada
Canada
Native in Russian
Canada
University Degree in Translation
Native in: Russian
Works in: English to Russian, Russian to English, English, and 1 more.
Related KudoZ points
:
20
strike
-
Note from asker:
| Большое спасибо! |
Peer comment(s):
| agree |
Marcombes (X)
4 hrs
|
Discussion
Действительно, в оксфордском словаре слово помечено как informal. Я смотрела в Collins'е и словарях Lingvo— там slang.
Без back translation не обойтись в тех случаях, когда руководитель, который дает одобрение, не владеет языком целевой аудитории рекламного материала. На практике перевод иногда называют обратным даже если «исходника» не было, то есть реклама не является адаптацией, скажем, англоязычного ролика, а придумана с нуля — чтобы было ясно, что нужен максимально близкий к оригиналу текст с пояснениями идиом, игры слов и так далее.
Только сама затея звучит очень странно. Зачем делать обратный перевод рекламного текста?