The Arabic expression "لم يهُن على قلبي" can be accurately rendered in English as "It weighed heavily on my heart." In the provided context, it signifies that the speaker experienced emotional hardship or difficulty in accepting the prospect of departing from this world while entrusting their narrative to others. Although it doesn't directly equate to "I really didn't want to," it does convey a profound emotional struggle or a sense of reluctance.