presque d'une fluctuation de la surface

English translation: almost a quivering of the surface

00:16 Jun 24, 2017
French to English translations [Non-PRO]
Other
French term or phrase: presque d'une fluctuation de la surface
Bonsoir,
pouvez-vous m'aider à traduire cette phrase compliquée en anglais?

La manière dont il a peint, dont il a toujours finalement repris des morceaux de ses compositions, va vraiment jouer dans ce sens presque d’une fluctuation de la surface, de quelque chose d’assez vivant, d’assez mouvant.

(on parle des tableaux de Monet).

My attempt:

The way he painted, the way he always reworked pieces of his compositions, work in this regard as there is an almost fluctuating water surface, there's something pretty lively, pretty moving.
Grifone
Italy
English translation:almost a quivering of the surface
Explanation:
The word I would choose would be "quivering", which suggests something alive, though non-animate things can also quiver, e.g. an arrow that has just struck a target.
Selected response from:

B D Finch
France
Local time: 15:53
Grading comment
3 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



Summary of answers provided
3 +2almost a ripple on (rippling of) the surface
mrrafe
4 +1almost a quivering of the surface
B D Finch


  

Answers


33 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +2
presque d\'une fluctuation de la surface
almost a ripple on (rippling of) the surface


Explanation:
Your paragraph seems fine, but here are other suggestions (thanks for asking, LOL!):

Suggest ripple instead of fluctuation because fluctuation has too much a suggestion of radical instability, I think - e.g. bigger to smaller, hot to cold. Rather, the painting remains as is but pulsates with life. Instead of ripple, could be shimmer (magical coruscating light) or flux (abstract change) - I'm not sure what the author means.

I don't like "water surface" because water isn't in the original, and it may be confusing because water is the subject of the paintings. I think the author may be talking about something in the paintings greater than the immediate subject - rather the combination of water, light, composition - all in playful flux. But I don't know.

"work" is confusing because it resembles "rework" earlier in the sentence and yet the meaning is quite different. Maybe change work to "serve his purpose" -
or change rework to "reprise" which is closer to original and conveys the intended meaning of repetition of a theme. Or change work to plays out, i.e., "ultimately becomes" (and this respects "jouer").

As a related point, I don't understand "ce." Why "ce sens" without que? Do they mean, works in THE sense that?

Then pretty should be "a little" or "somewhat." Pretty is too colloquial I think.

mrrafe
United States
Local time: 10:53
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 12
Notes to answerer
Asker: Thank you so much for your precious suggestions! (actually "ce" is not so correct, in this case it means "le")


Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Barbara Cochran, MFA
9 mins
  -> merci

agree  writeaway: ripple goes well with water surface
9 hrs
  -> Thanks. Yes, it's very much about water but that's why I didn't like it - I don't know that the author meant to describe the water, rather than the entire canvas as an experience. If both, then ripple is clever.
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8 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +1
presque d\'une fluctuation de la surface
almost a quivering of the surface


Explanation:
The word I would choose would be "quivering", which suggests something alive, though non-animate things can also quiver, e.g. an arrow that has just struck a target.

B D Finch
France
Local time: 15:53
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 52

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Yolanda Broad
10 hrs
  -> Thanks Yolanda
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